marți, 30 octombrie 2018

The self centered prick

I danced!

I improvised some contact with Sarka, a girl whose slow-life philosophy does not comply with her fast, strong and energic dance style.

I felt completely unsecure about myself while dancing with her. I thought she felt it. It was pretty rough but really nice. We stopped together breathing heavily, back to back, necks on shoulders.

And then she pulled out a "where did that come from", refering to me, being able to dance like that, not knowing how I felt during it. I told her it was from the bald guy who danced with Uma the day before. Then she told me that I lead her very well.

Then it started: I felt she was telling me that just so that I don't feel bad for my performance, which might have been really decent, despite me being insecure after it.

And I wonder what gives me the right to think that everything is about me? How the hug would I feel if I made a compliment, and we all know how hard is for me to make compliments directly, and then move the conversation from the compliment to convincing the person that I'm not making it out of pitty, but out of pure wish to compliment the person, to thank for whatever there is to thank.

Or maybe I should set a freaking goal to start learning how to accept compliments...

Thank you Sarka!
Thank you Dori!

Coincidentally, they are the two girls I danced with today - coincidentally my ass!
I know them and trust them since May, when they were cooks in the Care to Communicate Youth Experiential Learning Programme, where I was a team member who enjoyed their food so much that I decided that that would be the starting point for my vegetarian diet, a diet that I've kept with very little exceptions.

And no, it's not a diet to be healthier, it's a diet to feel better for not killing animals (indirectly).

I then started a little trio with Jordan and Tina again, but no more energy for that. We finished at 10, again.

Thank you too!

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